“HEART TO HEART” || Wisdom in Man and Patience in Woman is what makes a marriage successful

TNN Bureau. Updated: 12/6/2016 11:37:39 AM This Person: Then and Now

Ain't togetherness need to be celebrated? From stylists and actors to good old fashioned bureaucrats, TNN take a trip down memory lane to reveal the past, present and future of Jammu’s most celebrated and aww-inducing love stories...

Well, He is “Tall, dark and handsome” and she is a typical “Kashmiri” woman. Together they make a very beautiful couple. This super humble duo is approaching three decades of marriage—that's an accomplishment for anyone. The best thing about Israr Khan and Nighat Rasool is that they manage to keep their relationship a priority for all these years. They just love to spend time together even though they are into the 28th year of their marriage. They respect they show to each other is extra ordinary. Before meeting Israr and Nighat, I used to not believe in the concept of Marriage is very filmsy but this conversation just broke all the myths I had. Kudos to this beautiful couple. Read the excerpts of the interview to find more about their life and journey.

The Introductions:

The Man: Very sporty, humorous and carefree, Israr Ahmed Khan was born into the family of Afgani Land Lords of Udhampur. His father was a Senior Officer in Police Department. He is the 8th generation of Afridi(s) to serve in the police department of Jammu and Kashmir. He is popularly known as Laly Khan among his friends and family. He is a lawyer by education. Before joining police department, he tried his hand in insurance companies and teaching as well. Very few people know that he is a great actor and is an ‘A-High’ voice of Radio Kashmir Jammu. He has around 300 radio plays to his credit and has acted in few serials of Doordarshan as well. People used to love his as Ravana during Ramlila. He performed various radio plays with MOS Dr. Jatinder Singh. He joined police department in early 80’s as a Sub Inspector. In 1984, he passed IPS and got promoted as Dy.SP. He served in Kashmir while militancy was at the peak. He was among the few Muslim police officers of Jammu who has been posted in Samba for a long period of time. He got retired from police services Deputy Inspector General of Police in year 2013. In 2014, he joined National Conference as the treasurer. He is presently working as the treasurer of National Conference and handling few businesses as well. Also, to mention the famous talent hunt organized by J&K Police every year ‘Choona hai aasmaan’ is his brain child. Though he is retired from Police Department, he still aspire to do good work for the people of Jammu as a politician.

The Wife: Daughter of former Chief of state forest, Nighat Rasool is not at all a typical police officer’s wife. She is beautiful, Independent and very down to earth. What I just loved while talking to her during the interview was her “Nazakat” and the way she was talking. She is the sweetest woman in the earth, I have ever met. She is undoubtedly the back bone of the family. Not only, she raised their three kids very amazingly and took care of the house when Israr was posting away from home she made use of her high education to the best as well. She took great care their family businesses. She is also the former faculty member of Presentation Convent School, Jammu and Delhi Public School, Srinagar. She is the founder member of Nighat Cinematics, a production house and Rainbow International School in Kashmir.

TNN: So, Tell me how did the story started?

Israr Khan: It started when I was Dy. SP of traffic in Kashmir and she was studying in Kashmir University. Back then, I was a typical young police officer who was very well known. I was commanding the whole traffic of Srinagar city. I used to be quite smart as well and used to behave as a typical bachelor. I had few girlfriends as well but no one on them was the martial kind. I was doing quite fine and hence someone advices me that it is the right time to settle down and get married. I took the advice quite seriously and went to one of my friends who was a professor at Law school in KU. He showed me Nighat sitting silently in a classroom, reading something. I found her very attractive and told my friend to ask her out on my behalf but she rejected saying she do not wanted to get married to a police officer. I forgot about it and then after someday my mother told me that I got a rishta from some intermediate and It was her. I was so shocked that I asked her twice and even confirmed from my friends and after confirming my first words were “Maa, do minute na la” (Do it as fast as you can).

After our parents decided, we both met for the first time in a restaurant called ‘Lhasa’ in Srinagar and that’s how it all started.

TNN: What made you decide that you are made for each other?

NR: In the start, I was a little hesitant as he was all 6 feet long man with dark complexion but then when I met him I found him very nice and humble and he was a gazette officer as well. What else a girl want in her husband other than that.

IK: I fell in love with her in first sight and made my decision only then.

TNN: How getting married changed your life?

IK: Patient and stability. As I said in my intro, I was a kind of an outgoing person during my university days. After getting married, I learnt how to become responsible. Also, I used to be quite loud but then Nighat came into my life, she taught me how to talk in low tone and humble manner.

TNN: Now you are completing third decade of your marriage. How has been the journey?

NR: Very satisfying and beautiful. Having an understanding and loving spouse is a fulfilling feeling.

IK: The best thing about her and our 30 years long journey is that she comes from one of the affluent families of Kashmir but she never shows it. She is very down to earth. Before getting married, she was living in very high end standards. From an extravagant bungalow to a modest household, she adjusted very nicely. She never complained of anything. She raised all three of our kids in a very well manner. It is all because of her, I have had such a nice life.

TNN: How different is it to be a police officer couple than a normal man couple?

NR: I was always a normal household woman. This never came into my mind that I am some Police Officer’s wife. I never used police vehicle for commuting entire my life. I never went out with a guard or used the perks and power given to a police officer’s family. This may be because I have similar officer’s background. I was an independent woman before marriage and same is the scenario even after 30 yrs of marriage. Even Israr was also an ordinary husband after work. Whenever free, we used to go to for movies, drives etc. We have travelled all across the world.

IK: Some credit goes to me also because I never brought my ‘Policegiri’ home. I never discussed what happened during the day. I never shared my blues. I was also a normal man at home. She is a kind of woman who kept herself away from all the charm of department. She lived a very simple life.

TNN: During your early days of marriage, you used to have very tight schedule being a police officer. How you used to make up for the lost time?

IK: Though there is definitely lot of work but even then nothing comes between my duties as a family man. I work hard and long hours and then, I used to take leave to be with my family. We used to travel during my vacations. We travelled across the world while I was working. I never bothered about what my seniors are going to say if I go for long vacations. 20 days of the casual leave and one month of the earned leave was my right and I put it to the best use I can.

TNN: Mam, Initially when he was posted in Srinagar, fighting terrorism. What do you used to feel and how do you used to deal with it?

NR: I did feel the fear. I remember we had two kids when he was posted in Kulgam and terrorism was at the peak at that time. Firing used to happen right outside our home and I used to sleep with kids keeping an axe on my side.

TNN: Give me a glimpse of your normal life?

IK: She is an early riser, I am not. She gets up early in the morning, offers namaz and then makes the preparation for the day like giving directions to servants about the food and other house hold chores. I get up about 9:50 am and then we sit together and have our tea. Since we have a number of businesses outside Jammu and we mostly manage it through phone calls. After having breakfast, we both get busy in our individual life i.e. work. Two of our kids also stay out of Jammu so, during the day time we talk to them. Our evenings are mostly reserved for golf and socializing with friends and aqquitances.

TNN: How do you spend your weekends?

NR: Weekends are spent mostly in eating out and watching movies with family.

TNN: What about your kids?

IK: We have three kids; one daughter and two sons. Our daughter has completed BDS from Chandigarh and is now preparing for DDS in US. We have got her engaged to dentist in America only. Our elder son Rahat Afridi who has received his masters degree in Political Science from Delhi University and is now studying Law. Our Youngest Ali Afridi is my completely my copy. He reminds me of my younger days.

TNN: I have heard lot of people saying that the charm of marriage last for few years. I have seen people coming out of marriage because there was no spark in it. What is your take on this?

IK: I seriously do not know how people get bored of some relationship. How suddenly they fell out of love. I think at every step of life, you need to have a companion. I am 63 and if you ask me that what era of your life you would like to go back to? I would like to stay here only. Year by year, we had worked a lot on this relationship. We have reached this stage where she understands what I need before me even saying a word and this all happened with time. I believe everything in life can become beautiful if you work on it. There is no point of leaving anything in midst especially the marriage. No one can have a 10 on 10 life, issue come and you have to deal with them. Breaking marriage over petty problems is not a solution.

TNN: What is the recipe of becoming a 10 on 10 couple?

IK: Understanding each other without speaking along with some compassion in relationship. If you can do that, you are definitely a 10 on 10 couple.

TNN: Have you guys given eachother some cute pet names like these new age couples?

IK: I call her “Rosy” since her cheeks is always pink like a rose.

NR: I call him “Laly” like everyone else.

TNN: One best gift you have given to each other in these 28 years?

NR: This wonderful life, it’s his gift to me. He never stopped me from following my mind and this is what I loved the most about him.

IK: Our three wonderful kids.

TNN: What is the mantra of a happy married life according to you?

IK: I think wisdom in man and patience in woman. Especially, the woman should have the patience to wait for the come things to come in their life. She should not expect overnight changes. And man should have the desire to give everything to his woman.

TNN: Do you fight? If yes, what is the most common reason of fighting?

IK: Ofcourse we do fight. It is the most common thing to do for a couple but there is no particular reason. We fight over small things for example sometimes you want her to behave in a particular manner and she does not and hence the argument starts. The same goes on for me.

TNN: Who makes up first?

IK: Most of the time I make up first because most of the time, I get a little more aggressive during the argument so the realization came in me first. However, if she thinks that she has crossed the line, she also says sorry. There is no ego between us. Out of the 10 times, she makes up two times and rest of the eight times It’s me.

TNN: What is that one thing you do not like about each other?

NR: I want him to quit his habit of smoking. Otherwise he is perfect.

IK: She is very sensitive and worrisome. I want her to be a little bindass.

TNN: So, what about 9th generation of Afridi’s in J&K police?

IK: I guess Ali will be that person. Right now, he is exploring things but he has some inclination towards services.

(Text by Akanksha Gupta and Pictures by JP Bandral)

Updated On 12/6/2016 12:30:45 PM

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